I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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