dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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