they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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