His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
