im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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