I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
