We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We are two peas in an std pod
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
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I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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