You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
