I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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