I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
