Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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