I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
