who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
