The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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