I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
