dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
