I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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