I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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