Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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