Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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