my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
