how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
