I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
