Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
