She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
