Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
