She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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