I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
