I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
