She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This baby is an asshole
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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