New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
