my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
so much tequila, so little girl.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
