oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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