I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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