I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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