Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The air was thick with penises
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
