I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
