I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
