you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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