don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
