I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So many bounce houses so little time
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
