So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
