Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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