Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
