There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
