dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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