I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
