In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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