Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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