dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
