some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
