Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
