bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
