i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
